posted by lois @ 7:47 PM
Friday, May 28, 2004
it's really hard. i don't know how i'm feeling right now but i feel..i don't know..i just have to let it all out. i feel so lost in everything. i do'nt know like my friendships??!?! .....it's weird. my mood is not all so great at this moment..mb cuz of that stupid physics quiz..haha..pure jokes...but i really dont' know..this year i really feel like i lost so much....friends , teachers, and love for music. i feel like it just disappeared somehow...i feel like im' becoming farther away from God everyday.. it's jsut soo sad how so much is happening in my life. like my mom is like very ill from two stupid car accidents because of my hectic life she really cares about. she sacrificed so much for me. and i always feel the lack of thankfulness for her. it's just sad how sometimes i get so mad and i feel like i'm losing myself. i soeruly dotn' know where i am heading but i know God knows. so it's okay. i lay it all upon him. i dont' know but grd 11 wasn't the best..id otn' think...i don't know why..i feel so lost now..in this world ......i feel like i lost so much..and next year i lose two teachers that were there for me for so long. i arleady lost my violin teacher who was always there for me since the age of 5..like it was no goodbye or nething..i just lost her ..i dton' nkow..mb that's my character..i'm too scared..i'm too afraid....of i dton' know....i have to figure out my life and sort out things to keep my priorities straight. life is not worth living if it's stressful. and i'm way too stressed...now the fact it's comign to exams......ms.mcleod even told me i was way too stressed and i have to keep my priorities straight cuz life is not about where u end up. it's aobut the preseent. the friendss . the bond of a family. the relationship with God. NOTHING else shud matter. i dt'n know...but rite now..that doesn't seem the case..it's too schoool school school.....like my love for music even vanishjed..i didnt' have a teacher for a whole yea.rlike wdh is this...seroisuly......life is soo hard..but i can be happy sometimes =] wenn im' near friends who TRULY love me for who i am.....i really love you guys too. it's amazing how time is running by so fast and i dotn' see it running....my future is a blur and my present is...yuck rite now. i jsut wish i can see what is important in life and enjoy it. cuz it is short. i can't hold things back and let loose and hold friendships that will last a lifetime. i can't afford to lose anymore. life is stressful and living for Jesus is the wayy for happiness.. AGREE?! yes =] now i feel happier..heheeeheee okay =]